I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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