I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i out mim tonsoeep
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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