I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
