We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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