Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
