Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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