drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize