i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
