i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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