Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize