He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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