Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize