I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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