So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
