Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
