dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
