I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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