i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
