Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
