You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
