I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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