My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we made out on top of his cat.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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