When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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