i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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