ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
