Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
