I met the friendliest cop last night
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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