who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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