Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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