even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize