he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
