Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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