i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
