I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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