I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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