I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
