It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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