there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
