my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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