dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Terrible idea I love it
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
