Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
