It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
