Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
