people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
