I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
