Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
