I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There are leaves in my underwear?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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