i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
