saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
