I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
