would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
