I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
