Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
