Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
