chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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