I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
