and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
