oh god the rape fog is back!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
