We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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