If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
