I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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