He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
