I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
