I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
