when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
