It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
