Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
