You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You made out with two different species that night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
