dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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