just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
