found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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