Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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