You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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