Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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