Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
