It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
