He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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