similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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