Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
